…life on the synaptic firing range

Location: Los Angeles, United States

Bent but unbroken Southern California native seeks understanding, companionship, and resonance along and off the beaten path. Teresa plays well with others and makes every effort to perform to her potential. Usually. *processed in a facility that processes nuts and nut products

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

you’re welcome!

In a recent post blogger Weese bemoaned the fact that she had not yet procured a 2007 calendar and therefore could make no plans for her future. Though she gamely shrugged off her plight, I sensed her pain, the note of desperation that told me she was simply too overwhelmed by the myriad choices—even among the culled post–New Year's Day, 50%-off herd—to select just the right calendar to see her through to 2008. Being a giver at heart, I combed through the more than 6,000 titles available at and hand-picked my top 10 choices to see Weese through the coming year. In ascending order:

10. They beg for your fries, they poop on your car, they remind you of dental appointments.

9. Take that, Anne Geddes. You aren't the only photographer who can make perfectly nice babies really unappealing to look at.

8. Cold, dead fish. Month after glorious month.

7. Bimbos and guns. Somebody pinch me.

6. Gimme an M! Gimme an O! Gimme an N! Gimme a D-A-Y!

5. Bimbos and cold, dead fish. Somebody pinch me again.

4. Call me sentimental, but unbagged dog poop reminds me of a simpler time. Please note typo at bottom.

3. For those who like their chickens on the flashy, Vegas showgirl side.

2. A dream is a wish your heart makes.

1. Nuns are funny!


Blogger sporksforall said...

Ok, is it wrong that I actually would like the chicken one?

Hilarious. Pigeons should have been higher (lower?). You also didn't mention that you gave me a book about pigeons for Christmas. So, there's a pigeon theme that needs to be examined here.

5:46 PM  
Blogger KMae said...

You are a damn riot!

12:37 PM  
Blogger weese said...

I absolutely love this.
Nuns wins... its pc enough for work.
but...what you don't know is that just moments ago I was at walmart and perusing their horrible calendar selection thinking that I could at least pick up something stupid/funny - nothing really moved me. BUT they did have SI's swimsuit calendar. I thougth it would have been a hoot... but there was that memo about hanging up only 'work appropriate' items.

11:42 AM  
Blogger Slangred said...

I like your calendar choices because they are all *insane*.

I do have preferences for calendars, although in some years I'll have a wall and a desk calendar, and the juxtapositions can be odd. In 2006, for example, I had the Shoe-a-Day desk calendar on my cubicle desk, and a Che Guevara wall calendar on my cubicle wall.

This year I have a 2007 Shoe-a-Day desk calendar and "The Out of Office Countdown : George W. Bush: Two years and counting!" wall calendar. I think I got away with Che on my cubicle wall, but I suppose my anti-Bush calendar, while an accurate enough measure of my colleagues' political bent, is too blatantly biased to be allowed in a government workplace. So, shoes it is! The countdown will cheer us on the homefront.

1:41 PM  
Anonymous funchilde said...


other suggestions:
roadkill monthly
blackout (12 totally black photos of nothingness)
half-eaten sandwiches review

8:47 PM  
Blogger Wen said...

Scoutster, you've outdone yourself in generosity AND humor. I'm still laughing.

3:49 PM  
Anonymous hop said...

Very funny!

I don't care what anybody says, "Guns and Camo" is sexy!

5:08 PM  
Blogger Maryellen said...

I'm loving this bunch of pictures. Thanks for the jokes and eye candy.

6:24 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Holy Mother of God, these cannot be true! LMAO! NO WAY!!! How can these get published and widely distributed? Especially the dog poop one! GROSS LMAO!!!

4:20 PM  

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