the book of scout

A certain blogger recently spake her desire for a new Bible, not a new copy of the KJV, mind you, but a newly written Bible. Never one to ignore a gauntlet thrown, I offer my contribution.

The Book of Halo, as Witnessed by Scout

And a calico kitten of unblemished coat came unto Scout and spake unto her, imploring her mew be heard and heeded, for she was the one called Halo, spokeskitten of all the creatures of the land and sea, and it was she who beheld the keychain to the kingdom of peace, though the key be lost, last seen in the tabernacle of the congregation, where she smote it with her right paw and it did sail across the linoleum of the kitchen of the tabernacle of the congregation to points unknown. And verily the calico kitten sayeth unto Scout that, lo, all the creatures of the land and sea may cherish thy gods, whosoever they shall be, and cleave to thy beliefs, for those are they that speed some through thy day. And Scout was pleased, for she had rent her garments at the coming of the chosen kitten, quaking amid believers and unbelievers all of a piece, with foreboding that thus was not so. And the calico kitten did soothe the worried brow of thy messenger, and Scout, daughter of Beverly, the second begotten of Edith from the fertile plain of Iowa, did implore of the calico kitten, daughter of the feral one, whether the creatures of the land and sea should smite one another over cherished gods not of one but of many, apropos of which the calico kitten mewed a proverb of peace, and so it was delivered unto Scout, daughter of Beverly, second begotten of Edith from the fertile plain of Iowa:

Whosoever shall smite her neighbor over this or that cherished god, she shall behold in the pall of night a vessel bereft of fatted kibble.

So sayeth the calico kitten to all the creatures of the land and sea. As it is written, so it was told unto Scout, daughter of Beverly, second begotten of Edith from the fertile plain of Iowa.